Wheel of Fortune is Overrated...

...  As are a thousand things in my life (although a chick did just win a million dollars, so maybe Wheel of Fortune has more going for it than I do). 

Last time I wrote I was running around like a chick(en) with her head cut off; trying to figure out how to move, start a job, and begin a new life with no money to speak of, no furniture, and no time to get anything done...  This was all while dealing with the minutia and b.s. that has consumed my personal life for the past five months.  Overwhelmed does not even scratch the surface of it and anxiety attack doesn't do justice to the freak out I've had.

Things have gotten a little better.  After I finished my first business trip (halfway through my first week of work), I've begun to learn how to reach out for help.  Thankfully I have the best boyfriend known to mankind (who thankfully has a family that calms me down) and a wonderful roommate - without these two...

***SIDEBAR:  The chick who won a million dollars - yeah, she lost it.  Wheel of Fortune still sucks.  END OF SIDEBAR ***

... I'd be lost.  Shallon and I drink wine almost nightly, which at least makes me relaxed before bed.  Mike and I went furniture shopping at Raymour and Flannigan (and a million other places...  The experience was a story in itself) and I finally committed to a bedroom set that I can't afford, but Holy Hell!  It's sexy...  And comfortable (AND!!  I'm no longer living out of a million suitcases...  That was a really bad three weeks).  Mental health is improving. 

The overrated part is still that as happy and proud of myself as I am for getting this job, and I am, it's really just insane how much I feel like I'm sitting still spinning my wheels.  I KNOW I'm capable.  I know I can do big things.  I'm willing and anxious to do them!  The issue is that I don't have any resources.  I'm not looking for hand holding services or a strict schedule or anything...  I just want people to remember that I am capable and that I'm here and that it's really not a bad thing to ask me to do something - especially if it's in my job description.

I do everything everyone told me to do.  I show my enthusiasm.  I am candid in my opinions and open to showing what I want to do and how much I'm willing to do.  The only issue is all the busy work...  It's useless to everyone and I feel like it doesn't show my value.

I'll be pumped when my life shows its path to me.  This transitioning phase is really painful - truly.  I find myself tormented every night, tossing and turning, nauseas and anxious.  It makes me feel like I am going crazy and need to be medicated...  But I refuse - I'll turn around. 

Eventually things will be normal and happy and I'll be ridiculously successful and rolling in money...  Yes.  Yup, that'll happen tomorrow.

I'm going to try to make more of an effort to write more...  To my friends, stay in touch!